East Herts Gamers Blood Bowl League - Season one kicks off in style!

After a six-month pre-season of frantic painting sessions ( we definitely didn’t all leave it until Friday night), last-minute roster tweaks, and increasingly dubious tactical discussions, the inaugural season of the East Herts Gamers Blood Bowl League finally kicked off on Sunday 17th May 2026.

The opening round of fixtures saw the elegant but fragile Ellyrion Stallions (High Elves) take on the brutal undead horrors of Carrion Screaming (Necromantic Horror), while The Irish Raiders (Humans) faced the cold-blooded speedsters of Reptile Dysfunction (Lizardmen).

With many of the coaches returning to Blood Bowl after years away from the game, nobody quite knew what to expect from the opening weekend. Few could have predicted a staggering 11 touchdowns, one horrific death, countless knockouts, and the season-ending injury of one of the league’s brightest stars!

ELLYRION STALLIONS VS CARRION SCREAMING

“Elven brilliance meets catastrophic self-preservation.”

Carrion Screaming won the toss and elected to receive, leaving the Stallions to kick off proceedings.

A perfectly placed kick immediately put pressure on the Necromantic side, but what followed stunned everyone in attendance. Rather than sitting back defensively, the Stallions launched an all-out offensive surge deep into enemy territory. The undead squad looked completely overwhelmed by the sheer speed of the Elven assault and promptly fumbled the ball pickup under pressure.

Before half the crowd had even returned from purchasing McMurty’s Burgers and refreshing Orca-Colas, the Stallions’ star Dragon Prince, Caldorian Drakenflame, had seized the loose ball, sprinted through the chaos, and scored the league’s very first touchdown in spectacular fashion.

STALLIONS 1 – 0 SCREAMING

The next drive saw the Stallions continue their aggressive approach, although veteran coach Toby Cox appeared to forget one of Blood Bowl’s oldest lessons: never stand near the touchline.

This tactical oversight proved fatal for Stallions blitzer Elarion Windcrest, who was smashed into the crowd by the terrifying Ken “Death” Williams. The unfortunate Elf was immediately torn apart by frenzied undead supporters in what league officials later described as “an unavoidable fan interaction.”

Moments later, lineman Malethion Evenstar was also surfed into the crowd, though he survived with only a concussion and several missing teeth.

Carrion Screaming suffered casualties of their own during the brutal exchanges, including the bizarre sight of Moan Sims the Wraith somehow being knocked unconscious despite technically lacking a physical body.

Despite mounting injuries, the Stallions once again capitalised on a loose ball following a perfectly timed blitz. Caldorian Drakenflame was there once more to punish the Necromantic side, dancing through the defence to claim his second touchdown of the game.

STALLIONS 2 – 0 SCREAMING

The second half began with Carrion Screaming kicking deep to the Elves. Stallions captain Eltharion Swiftmane calmly retrieved the ball before launching a flawless pass upfield to the waiting Drakenflame. The Dragon Prince streaked into the end zone untouched, completing a sensational hat-trick and seemingly putting the game beyond doubt.

STALLIONS 3 – 0 SCREAMING

However, Blood Bowl cares little for momentum.

Already reduced by injuries, the Stallions were forced to line up for the next drive with only eight players available. Remarkably, they still attempted to play an aggressive, attacking game.

Unfortunately for the Elves, Caldorian Drakenflame finally began to believe his own legend.

Charging deep into enemy territory with no support whatsoever, the Dragon Prince suddenly found himself face-to-face with Burn-Scarred Bresslaw, the towering Flesh Golem. The monstrous brute thundered forward and unleashed a devastating blitz that sent Drakenflame crashing to the turf in a heap of broken armour and shattered pride.

The stadium fell silent.

As the medics rushed onto the field, it quickly became apparent the injury was severe. Drakenflame was stretchered away suffering a catastrophic broken shoulder that will rule him out for the remainder of the season.

The emotional blow visibly rattled the Stallions. Sensing weakness, Carrion Screaming surged forward, with Sid Maims crashing over the line to finally get the Necromantic side on the scoreboard.

STALLIONS 3 – 1 SCREAMING

With time running out, most teams would have consolidated defensively.

The Stallions are apparently not most teams.

Another perfect kick pinned the ball deep inside Elven territory. Captain Swiftmane moved back to recover it, but failed to account for the terrifying speed of Ken “Death” Williams, who exploded through the defensive line and flattened the Elf captain with a brutal hit.

The loose ball bounced wildly into the crowd before being hurled back onto the pitch, within easy reach of Screaming’s werewolf Sid Maims, who quickly picked it up and delivered an astonishing pass to Williams for a late touchdown.

STALLIONS 3 – 2 SCREAMING

Suddenly, a match that had looked like a rout almost became a desperate scramble for survival. Fortunately for the battered Elves, there was little time remaining, and the final whistle blew moments later.

Against all odds — and perhaps against their own better judgement — the Ellyrion Stallions held on for a dramatic 3–2 victory.

THE IRISH RAIDERS VS REPTILE DYSFUNCTION

“Speed, stupidity, and airborne Halflings.”

The second fixture of the weekend proved every bit as chaotic, with The Irish Raiders and Reptile Dysfunction battling to an incredible 3–3 draw.

For the Raiders, catcher Paddy Murphy scored twice while thrower Finbar O’Reilly added another. Reptile Dysfunction responded through Atopoec “Flytrap”, while skink sensation Totaquecutl “Tricky” scored twice with a dazzling display of pace and positioning.

The match also featured several moments that can only truly happen in Blood Bowl.

Raiders Ogre Grock spent large portions of the game standing in the middle of the pitch picking his nose while his Halfling teammate Big Al hovered nearby waiting to be useful and mostly getting farted on for his troubles.

When Grock finally became active, he launched Big Al deep into Lizardmen territory in a Throw Team-Mate play that briefly looked spectacular before immediately descending into confusion and failure.

Meanwhile, Totaquecutl “Tricky” repeatedly appeared behind Raiders defensive lines seemingly from nowhere, scoring almost at will and establishing himself as one of the league’s breakout stars after just a single game.

The kickers on both teams also appeared to have enjoyed a lengthy pre-match visit to Bugman’s Bar, with no fewer than three towering kicks somehow landing back in their own halves after being blasted almost vertically into the air.

The game’s defining moment came in the dying seconds.

With no re-rolls remaining and the Raiders trailing 3–2, Paddy Murphy somehow leapt to his feet inside multiple tackle zones, scooped up the loose ball, dodged clear of the Lizardmen defence, and sprinted for the line in a breathtaking last-gasp play.

As the final whistle sounded, Murphy crossed into the end zone to level the score in dramatic fashion.

FINAL SCORE: 3 – 3

WEEK ONE SUMMARY

• Total Touchdowns: 11

• Deaths: 1

• Season-Ending Injuries: 1

• Thrown Halflings: 1

• Coaches already regretting their tactical decisions: All of them
  

If opening weekend proved anything, it’s that the East Herts Blood Bowl League promises violence, drama, comedy, and catastrophic decision-making in equal measure.

And this is only Week One....

League Table
Position	Team Name	Race	Won	Drawn	Lost	TD	Casualties	Points
1st	Ellyrion Stallions	High Elves	1	0	0	3	1	3
2nd	Reptile Dysfunction	Lizardmen	0	1	0	3	1	1
3rd	The Irish Raiders	Humans	0	1	0	3	1	1
4th	Carrion Screaming	Necromantic Horror	0	0	1	2	1	0
5th	The Grisly Ra-Skulls	Tomb Kings	0	0	0	0	0	0

Most Touchdowns
Player Name	Team	TD Scored
Prince Caldorian Drakenflame	Ellyrion Stallions	3
Paddy Murphy	The Irish Raiders	2
Totaquecutl "Tricky"	Reptile Dysfunction	2
Atopoec "Flytrap"	Reptile Dysfunction	1
Ken “Death” Williams	Carrion Screaming	1
Sid Maims	Carrion Screaming	1
Finbar O’Reilly	The Irish Raiders	1

Most Completions
Player Name	Team	Completions
Finbar O’Reilly	The Irish Raiders	2
Eltharion Swiftmane	Ellyrion Stallions	2
Sid Maims	Carrion Screaming	1

Most Casualties
Player Name	Team	Casualties
Calithar Brightmane	Ellyrion Stallions	1
Burn-Scarred Bresslaw	Carrion Screaming	1
Goxyotl "Sidewinder"	Reptile Dysfunction	1
Butch Brady	The Irish Raiders	1